Posts Tagged ‘friends’


As long as you’re something to own.

August 11, 2008

I got an ipod. I really have changed. Pineapple Express was good. I have strongly mixed feelings on the Apatow franchise [as well as most things in life if you have not noticed] but this quote I read in a review pretty much encapsulated what I feel about it; “beneficiary of low expectations.” It was kind of painful to go with your best buddy to a buddy comedy, at this particular crossroads we are at.

I hope our roads cross again someday. I really do. No one in my life has ever been so important. But, I am young, I am stupid, I need to take chances, I need to leave the nest. I have broken my own heart. Tragic and immense loss. Mistakes, mistakes I need to make.

There are beads that wrap
Around your knees that crackle into the dark
Like a walk in the park like a hole in your head
Like the feeling you get when you realize you’re dead
This time we ride roller coasters into the ocean
We feel no emotion as we spiral down to the world
And I guess it’s worth your time
Because there’s some lives you live
And some you leave behind
It gets hard to explain
The gardenhead knows my name

Leave me alone, for you know this isn’t the first time
In fact this is twice in a row
That the angels have slipped through our landslide
And filled up our garden with snow
And I don’t wish to taste of your insides
Or to call out your name through my phone
For the glory boys at your bedside will love you
As long as you’re something to own

Follow me through a city of frost covered angels
I swear I have nothing to prove
I just want to dance in your tangles
To give me some reason to move
But to take on the world at all angles
Requires a strength I can’t use
So I’ll meet you up high in your anger
Of all that is hoping and waiting for you

Also, no Street until the 25th. I have been ignoring all signs up until now, but this is pretty damb symbolic of our tragic loss.


The best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

August 8, 2008


Getting drunk in your old workplace which has now been converted to a pub is pretty insane. Especially when it’s a heritage building so they have kept a significant portion of the inside the same… Amazing! We were sitting in the nativity area haha. I wish I had a camera… I want to go there and get drunk all the time! I am hoping we will make it a monthly thing. Woo my first facebook event was a success haha. I am still tipsy this morning.. how does that happen? I am much nicer to everyone at work hahahaha.

Oh yea and they played a couple songs from our OPEN ROAD compilation… Brown Eyed Girl! Tear, that song gets me. Open Road was the best cd by far in our collection. But I do have an appreciation for Frank Sinatra thanks to the Christmas Store, hugely, and even ‘Viva Las Vegas’ and ‘The Gambler’ and other songs like that!

Updating this sign every night was my second favourite part of the the job. The first being PERSONALIZING ORNAMENTS. I have this weird thing for penmanship. Decorating trees as your job was pretty sweet too!!!!!!

Grr I hate how wordpress compresses your photos now. Pre-drinking for Sarah’s bachelorette party!

at prism, after my one and only experience at a strip joint. I look funny in this picture.

And Julie… let’s not even go there. SIGHS. Too bad Sarah and Birkley made her a lesbian and she cut her hair… I hope she is alive in France!

At this moment in time I am realizing how weird it is I do not speak with my office mate. I mean, he is a middle aged dude, what do we have to talk about, but I feel like talking to him right now but I also feel I can’t! Strange.

IT IS ONLY 9 AM????? This is going to be a sloooowwww day. I have finally run out of work to do. Haha.


Hey look… I still suck.

July 5, 2008

I am SO mad at myself for not going out tonight! Oh hey, someone offers me their friendship? Better not call them when I am supposed to. This is why I have no friends. I am still the same dumb old Amber. I have just been in this very homey phase… I guess even though I have been lonely I like loneliness in a way and I have just been enjoying that.

Excited for things to not be boring soon!

No yoga either! I am SO sore. Kill me please! In my mind, it is Keith who drags us down but I am even lazier when he is not here! I will never be bitching about him wanting to stay home again. Haha.

FINALLY listening to Emily Haines. Very good. Much better than Metric I think.

There’s a pattern in the system
There’s a bullet in the gun
That’s why I tried to save you
But it can’t be done

Also I can’t get enough of this stuff. It’s like Asian ketchup to me. I have found it is even good as soup broth haha.

And I don’t really get this. This has been happening for four days and my readership is up, but I wonder why?

Ahh the magic and mystique of the internet.

ps: Who the fuck is Charles Cromer and why is he on my website?


so like who wants to do lsd with me in a park?

June 10, 2008

being an adult is soooo boring and not at all what i envisioned.

taking applications here for new bffff..ff..f.

shouldn’t life be more like this? maybe that’s why i always enjoyed recreational drugs in the past… life becomes more magical.

here are some other old pictures i came across.

low brow to be sure, but a classic.

sigh… the bon temps. some of the bonnest.

a sarah original.

in ode to this of course:

i am pretty sure he was creeped out in actual fact. not so much the fact i was there, but first in line possibly?

aww, my second favourite pet sambuca/sam. [cat=first.] i took him to school in my pocket. he died of cancer.

the only true love in this world is that of two rikers.

i was pretty awesome. fleece pants!

i only show such a scantily clad picture… because physically/mentally i am quite a different person! i kind of want to smack myself for hating myself back then. if only i had confidence in my youth i think things may have gone a lot differently. then again that person is who i was, and why i am who i am now. good/bad? impossible to say impartially.

i also just found the most disgustingly vain shitty webcam collage of myself that i want to share cause it’s hilarious but it makes me hate myself too much. those times were funny… cover up extreme insecurity with equally as radical “vanity.”


it’s time that we grow old and do some shit.

June 8, 2008

this weekend ended up being great. some much needed nestling. i know nesting may be the right term here, but that pisses me off, possibly because it insinuates eggs. bought a bunch of stuff for the house today, a small bbq, chairs for the deck, a mirror, a framed picture, this is it i think. nice to spend the weekend at home, attempted to finally ‘move in’ but ended up making a huge mess that still hasn’t been cleaned up. must be by friday as celeste arrives!

i don’t think i really like sitting on that stump.

yes, we still have times that good, believe it or not. with fewer puppy surprises/trolls. i was a bit surprised too when i saw her last summer! i am really looking forward to seeing her. we are going to watch the movie ‘once’ as we have both heard very good things about it. and she is into musical theatre [to a professional  degree], so i am sure she will like it. it is amazing we get along after all these years. i think you choose your friends for a reason, even back then.

wow i just noticed my amazing 100 dalmations outfit in that last photo.

i wish the work week was not impending… i think i really need a new  job. i am thinking september may bring such a thing.


why get my hopes up?

May 25, 2008

let us be lovers well marry our fortunes together
i’ve got some real estate here in my bag
so we bought a pack of cigarettes and mrs. wagner pies
and we walked off to look for america
cathy, I said as we boarded a greyhound in pittsburgh
michigan seems like a dream to me now
it took me four days to hitchhike from saginaw
Ii’ve gone to look for america

laughing on the bus
playing games with the faces
she said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
i said be careful his bowtie is really a camera

toss me a cigarette, i think theres one in my raincoat
we smoked the last one an hour ago
so i looked at the scenery, she read her magazine
and the moon rose over an open field

cathy, i’m lost, i said, though i knew she was sleeping
i’m empty and aching and i don’t know why
counting the cars on the new jersey turnpike
they’ve all gone to look for america
all gone to look for america
all gone to look for america

what did i say?


was it you not worth knowing?

May 6, 2008

so… matt good in june at the curling club. unfortunately not acoustic this time. last time was interesting, this time should be much more and much less interesting at the same time. i have purchased two tickets with the faith that i will find someone to go with by then. unfortunately my one fellow matt good devotee is no longer my friend… last concert seemed to mean a lot to our friendship which died so easily. i wish some people in your life would be there no matter what, but life is constantly changing, people are too, coming and going. i sure won’t be able to find anyone to go with me who understands like that. sigh.


ah newsradio.

April 15, 2008

Dave, there comes a time in every friendship when you have to say, ‘I never liked you, get lost.’ -Bill McNeal

and oh, hey, it’s almost 4.30! i love when that happens.


nighties and intoxication and marie antoinette until dawn.

April 11, 2008

lindsay developed some film from last year… at the hyatt.

and i wasn’t there for this photo of nicola but i enjoy it!

all of these pictures are pretty great, check out the set.


you can see right through me.

March 28, 2008

i miss you, i miss you. i wish shit didn’t always have to happen to come between us. were we never meant to be best friends? i just want to put everything aside… shall we always do this for the rest of our lives? do you know me too well… is that why we keep coming back to me being a despicable person?


cathy i’m lost, i said, though i knew she was sleeping. i’m empty and aching and i don’t know why…. 


those sweet distant memories of one weekend(s) ago.

March 27, 2008

more pictures of general girlie fun. thanks to lindsay for some good ones.

jager shots at foundation


me and linds



the whip


a larger trickle…

a little trickle…

lindsay laughing

aww lindsay is so damned cute! i can almost hear her laughing now.

those cold wet fools.


“however you say it? crudoodie?”


me and lindsay sleeping till 3 pm the next day was pretty nice.


a little too relaxed.

March 25, 2008

i think i might have such negative associations with yoga because my one memory of it is attending a class with my best friend and her mom when i was four or five or something. i peed all over my popples towel. i didn’t say anything but my unusual level of moisture must have been noticed on the car ride home. i hope i don’t pee my pants this time.

best friends

best friends 2

nearly twenty years later… [the girl on the left didn’t age so well.]


architecture students are like virgins with an itch they cannot scratch…

March 21, 2008

i think spring is a good time for “resolutions.” thinking of them in that context almost makes them destined to fail due to my cynicism. however, it is a time for new leases on life and making some adjustments. god, another new lease on life? don’t worry, i hate myself too. haha.

anyway, i am going to do things, and see stuff, and learn and whatnot. i say that every year but really, this time it is actually true which is exciting. it is unfortunate i once again lost my best friend due to some stupid girl drama i can barely even remember. i hate that stuff. [cathy, i’m lost, i said, though i knew she was sleeping… ] i need a new partner in girl based adventures. i wish i could transport vancouver people over here [or me there without all the effort.]

…never build a building till you’re fifty, what kind of life is that?



clint howard



a few more.

March 19, 2008

sorry to post such terrible quality pictures [especially to those ladies with their amazing cameras] but you know, i have actually kind of grown to love this disgustingly low quality photo from my digital camera… it is the closest to real film you get these days, kind of. [hit and miss, like my photography.] except for like…. real film.



at foundation. a good vegetarian restaurant where we spent way too much time drinking [and spilling] wine.






slutty reflection.



i am pretty sure i am the only person on earth who finds these pictures ART!


mmm room service

i wish i could get croissants and coffee delivered to me every morning at the cost of $22! so worth it… when you’re incredibly lazy.



one of those magical film moments.

March 17, 2008

“Somehow or another I managed to capture my entire Friday night in one photo.” –Linds


also i love nicola’s explaination as to why she has a crown tattoo; “canada dry gingerale dude…?”


a few pictures.

March 17, 2008

i will post more later, but after editing crappy pictures all day [incredibly slowly] i am sick of looking at them!



the people are tiny from the 20th floor. and look, it wasn’t just the quebecois bay that are geniuses.


you can indeed fit four girls sleeping in that bed… and one on the chaise longue.


the pool was closed so we needed some skivvie activities… unfortunately after all the hotboxing the tub overflowed.


letting my camera dry out. it was making interesting noises.

there are more, i might post them later.

sweet, sweet day off after traveling!


i hate to say ‘duh’… but DUH.

March 16, 2008

ME AND LINDSAY HAVE TO HANG OUT THE NIGHT AFTER, NOT THE NIGHT BEFORE. why did this simple fact never occur to me? next time certain photographic missions WILL be accomplished. and THEN comes the drunken fun [followed by hungover fun] which seems to happen when you put me and linds together.



March 16, 2008

sigh. pretty epic weekend but failed at my mission. however… sigh.

it is sad to check out even though i want to go home…. i wish i lived in a hotel.

waiting for my croissant and coffee now.

want to get some shopping in before check out time!

i hope the overflowing bathtub did not completely destroy my camera and i can salvage a few pictures of friday night’s madness.


where is my montserrat?

March 11, 2008

i am in such a good mood this week! [aside from a brief period of time yesterday – see last post.] the sun is shining today, i have an amber-based adventure at the end of the week. my mother was going to travel with me but i am so glad she decided against it. naturally as i am generally a solitary person, i like to travel alone. it is something more than just getting time to myself… there is a sadness, an excitement, an independence that comes along with it. i haven’t traveled alone in a long time. [by”travel” i don’t mean anything exciting or exotic… more the 4 hour ordeal required to get off this rock.]

i “know” a girl, in this wacky internet land of ours. she is brilliant, beautiful, confident, and seems completely herself. for someone who seems to know herself so well already, it is amazing she decided to move by herself to montserrat, to read, write, contemplate life, explore, take amazing nude photos in abandoned cities covered in a thick layer of volcanic ash, etc. i am jealous of that. i love my life so much now, but i feel at some point in my life there must be a montserrat waiting for me. me, me, me…. who am i?



March 1, 2008

wow i can’t tell you how excited i am for a creative endeavor to be realized very soon that has been in my mind for a couple of years. there are some amazing people involved… and a fun trip to vancouver!

the great hall.

now that is a sensual beast.

sensual cat