attended my third class yesterday. it seems to be somehow getting more difficult. but i believe that is because i have the expectation that it should be getting easier… i mean it’s my third try and it’s not a breeze yet? since it is not getting noticeably easier, especially because i am probably pushing myself slightly harder each time, i find it a bit frustrating. all i wish for is that there is not that point 20 minutes from the end of class where i go FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT, I CAN’T DO IT ANY MORE! I HATE THIS! NEVER COMING BACK! and i lie through a couple of postures. i am afraid i might never get too a point where i FEEL it is bearable [it obviously IS bearable in reality, because i do not die or run out of the room screaming.] if it is always this tough i don’t know if i have the self-discipline to keep going back. that is the challenge i suppose. it is really the ultimate challenge of willpower to me… obviously everyone struggles at first because it isn’t easy or comfortable. but some of my absolute most hated things in the world are heat, summertime, sweating, etc. i generally avoid these things at all cost. in any case, i have to take at least 20 classes, unless i want to waste a bunch of money… so that should give me enough time to determine whether it really is for me. my neck did not have that strange excruciatingly tight sensation after practice last night, so i must be making a little progress.
i find it amusing how even after i have cooled down, had a shower, i am pouring with sweat for hours after, even if i am cold. it feels like a clean sweat though, in a way, if that makes any sense. i am at least drinking more water than i ever have in my life so that must be a good thing. i should also mention that i feel really, really good today.

the 26 postures aka: 90 minutes of hell
i realized this time there is a clock in the room. which is not a good thing. i held off looking at it as long as i possible could, and finally peeked at 75 minutes into class… those last 15 minutes were the longest.
and i HATE that i am one of those annoying yoga people now. i never wanted to do yoga, but with always trying to keep in mind being anti-trend is just as silly as being trendy, i tried it and found it really is worthwhile. anyway, it’s not like i am forcing yoga on people but whenever i hear people complaining about sore muscles, back problems, i have to mention yoga with the intention of truly helping, because i know how frustrating it is to have chronic pain. i don’t suggest bikram to people even, but i know they must roll their eyes, like i probably would have! i am not trying to spread the gospel of yoga, i am just sick of hearing you complain about sore shoulders!
and i would LOVE to get back to being this tiny!

ah, sweet sweet 2002. actually it sorta sucked and i kinda hated myself… i was an idiot.