dear orgasm:

February 15, 2008

obviously inappropriate.

dear orgasm:
where have you gone?
why can’t i find you?
are you hiding in some shadowy corner?
no matter how long i chase you
you always seem to be just around the bend
but i haven’t seen your face in so long!
remember the days
porn magazines stolen from
under brother’s mattress
erotic literature containing fellow classmates
or those creepy pervs
on livelinks
such fun we had together
such good times
(and they were always good)
or later in life
nothing made you happier
than some sweet back door action
those were the absolute best of times
but no matter who else was there
all we cared about
was that we had each other
why have you abandoned me so?
it has never been anything to do with anyone else
what has changed between us?
don’t you love me anymore?
i will always love your twitchy and spastic ways
i never thought you would leave me
do you know what it’s like
to be on a seemingly unending quest –
did you ever watch
that dungeons and dragons cartoon?
at least the realm i am trapped in
is a little more scenic and enjoyable
[the most enjoyable on earth in fact]
but if that dungeon master tells me
one more riddle
i swear to god –
i’ll kill frank welker



  1. Not Frank Welker! He’s all my favourites!

  2. Dear Amber,
    I’m sorry for not having the courage to say goodbye. Things got so weird, and I know that doesn’t make it any easier for you…I panicked and ran. I had to get my head straight. It seemed like you were more into the relationship than I was.

    I hope you understand that I need this time to find out who I really am. All my life I’ve given pleasure to others and put myself on the back burner.

    I moved to New York to start my singing career, like we always talked about. I’ve got a cute little apartment in Brooklyn. It’s not fancy, but it’s mine.

    My address is enclosed. Let me know if you make it to the city, maybe we can have lunch and talk about the old times. I hope we can be friends again…someday.


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