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Goodbye, goodbye.

August 14, 2008

Today is the last day. The last day of a specific chapter of my life. With that comes the end of this blog. I might post some residual stuff but new life will not touch this blog.

New life, new life, terrifying, exciting, happy, sad….

I feel so much I don’t even know what to say.

I feel genuine love for both lives so this can be melancholy at best.

I love you all.

Especially YOU, my best friend, my partner in life, I will never forget you. I must try to look forward but I have never been someone who doesn’t look behind.

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i will fucking post lyrics all i want fuckers

August 13, 2008

Is it wicked not to care when they say that youre mistaken
Thinking hopes and lots of dreams that arent there?
Is it wicked not to care when youve wasted many hours
Talking endlessly to anyone thats there?

I know the truth awaits me
But still I hesitate because of fear

Skipping tickets making rhymes
Is that all that you believe in?
Wearing rags to make you pretty by design
Rusting armour for effect
Its not fun to watch the rust grow
For it will all be over when youre dead

Counting acts and clutching thoughts
By the river where the moss grows
Over rocks the water running all the time
Is it wicked when you smile even though you feel like crying
Even though you could be sick at any time?

But if there was a sequel
Would you love me as an equal?
Would you love me till Im dead

If there was a sequel would you love me like an equal?
Would you love me till Im dead
And if there was a sequel
Would you love me as an equal?
Would you love me till Im dead
Or is there someone else instead?

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i have mixed feelings on this song.

August 11, 2008

If you’re down and confused, and you don’t remember who you’re talkin’ to.
Concentration slips away, ‘cause your baby is so far away.

Well there’s a rose in the fisted glove
and the eagle flies with the dove,
and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with,

Don’t be angry, don’t be sad, and don’t sit cryin’ over good times you’ve had.
There’s a girl right next to you, and she’s just waitin’ for something to do.

And there’s a rose in the fisted glove
and the eagle flies with the dove,
and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with,

Turn your heartache right into joy, she’s a girl, and you’re a boy.
Well get it together, make it real nice,
You ain’t gonna need anymore advice.

And there’s a rose in the fisted glove
and the eagle flies with the dove,
and if you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with

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all good things.

August 11, 2008

I think I finally understand why I am so sad whenever I see the last episode of TNG.

all good things….

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As long as you’re something to own.

August 11, 2008

I got an ipod. I really have changed. Pineapple Express was good. I have strongly mixed feelings on the Apatow franchise [as well as most things in life if you have not noticed] but this quote I read in a review pretty much encapsulated what I feel about it; “beneficiary of low expectations.” It was kind of painful to go with your best buddy to a buddy comedy, at this particular crossroads we are at.

I hope our roads cross again someday. I really do. No one in my life has ever been so important. But, I am young, I am stupid, I need to take chances, I need to leave the nest. I have broken my own heart. Tragic and immense loss. Mistakes, mistakes I need to make.

There are beads that wrap
Around your knees that crackle into the dark
Like a walk in the park like a hole in your head
Like the feeling you get when you realize you’re dead
This time we ride roller coasters into the ocean
We feel no emotion as we spiral down to the world
And I guess it’s worth your time
Because there’s some lives you live
And some you leave behind
It gets hard to explain
The gardenhead knows my name

Leave me alone, for you know this isn’t the first time
In fact this is twice in a row
That the angels have slipped through our landslide
And filled up our garden with snow
And I don’t wish to taste of your insides
Or to call out your name through my phone
For the glory boys at your bedside will love you
As long as you’re something to own

Follow me through a city of frost covered angels
I swear I have nothing to prove
I just want to dance in your tangles
To give me some reason to move
But to take on the world at all angles
Requires a strength I can’t use
So I’ll meet you up high in your anger
Of all that is hoping and waiting for you

Also, no Street until the 25th. I have been ignoring all signs up until now, but this is pretty damb symbolic of our tragic loss.

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The best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

August 8, 2008

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

Getting drunk in your old workplace which has now been converted to a pub is pretty insane. Especially when it’s a heritage building so they have kept a significant portion of the inside the same… Amazing! We were sitting in the nativity area haha. I wish I had a camera… I want to go there and get drunk all the time! I am hoping we will make it a monthly thing. Woo my first facebook event was a success haha. I am still tipsy this morning.. how does that happen? I am much nicer to everyone at work hahahaha.

Oh yea and they played a couple songs from our OPEN ROAD compilation… Brown Eyed Girl! Tear, that song gets me. Open Road was the best cd by far in our collection. But I do have an appreciation for Frank Sinatra thanks to the Christmas Store, hugely, and even ‘Viva Las Vegas’ and ‘The Gambler’ and other songs like that!


Updating this sign every night was my second favourite part of the the job. The first being PERSONALIZING ORNAMENTS. I have this weird thing for penmanship. Decorating trees as your job was pretty sweet too!!!!!!

Grr I hate how wordpress compresses your photos now. Pre-drinking for Sarah’s bachelorette party!

at prism, after my one and only experience at a strip joint. I look funny in this picture.

And Julie… let’s not even go there. SIGHS. Too bad Sarah and Birkley made her a lesbian and she cut her hair… I hope she is alive in France!

At this moment in time I am realizing how weird it is I do not speak with my office mate. I mean, he is a middle aged dude, what do we have to talk about, but I feel like talking to him right now but I also feel I can’t! Strange.

IT IS ONLY 9 AM????? This is going to be a sloooowwww day. I have finally run out of work to do. Haha.

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truth

August 6, 2008

the light blue flickering rhythm
of the neighbor’s big console t.v.
is basking on the ceiling
of another insomniatic spree
and outside sleep’s open window
between the drops of rain
history is writing a recipe book
for every earthly pain

oh to clean up the clutter of echoes
coming in and out of focus
words spoken
like locusts
sing and sing
in my head

and thing is
they often seem
in my memory’s long dream
to be superfluous to
the true story of what was

cause

real is real regardless
of what you try to say
or say away
real is real relentless
while words distract and dismay
words that change their tune
though the story remains the same
words that fill me quickly
and then are slow to drain
dialogues that dither down reminiscent
of the way it likes to rain
every screen
a smoke screen
oh to dream
just for a moment
the picture
outside the frame

then in a flash
the light blue horizon
spanning a sudden black
is sucked into the vanishing point
and quiet rushes back
to search for the downbeat
in a tabla symphony
to search in the darkness
for someone who looks like me

(though i’m not really who i said i was
or who i thought i’d be)

just a collection of recollections
conversations consisting
of the kind of marks we make
when we’re trying to get a pen to work again

a lifetime of them!

i say to me
now here listening
i say to the locusts
that sing and sing to me sitting
now here on the front porch swing of my eyes:
i hereby amend
whatever i’ve ever said
with this sigh

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