You may never let me go

And just as the sun sets
Just as we will forget these precious moments
When another day is through
And just as the moon knows
It cannot always glow through every evening
Some days you will find me sleeping

‘Cause I’m on again and off again
I never told you, I never will
‘Cause I’m on again and off again
If I can’t hold you, somebody will

Love is like the ocean
Forever in motion, forever changing
Never twice the same
You may miss me one day
You may wish you hadn’t stayed
You may forget me
You may never let me go

‘Cause I’m on again and off again
I never told you, I never will
‘Cause I’m on again and off again
If I can’t hold you, somebody will

On again and off again
I never told you, I never will
‘Cause I’m on again and off again
If I can’t hold you, somebody will

Tomorrow

I promise to stop loving you tomorrow
Today can be your last day in my arms again
I promise to stop thinking of you constantly
And wishing I could wake up every morning next to you
Darling yes its true
But today can we pretend it’s not too late
I promise to stop dreaming bout you
Promise to stop waiting for your calls
Cause I don’t want to care at all
But maybe just tonight we should forget about what’s right one last time
Because I promise to stop loving you tomorrow
Today will be your last day in my arms again
I promise to stop thinking of you constantly
And wishing I could wake up every morning next to you
Darling yes it’s true
But today can we pretend it’s not too late
Today can we pretend

Spectacle.

You’re always such a spectacle
You said you would
But you never will change
You only do it if I do the same
Love is such a dangerous game
A dangerous game

At first I could see
That you were weak in the knees
Your smile was so rehearsed
When you gave me your t-shirt
On the honeymoon
Where we never left the room
Sometimes I want to go back there
But then I’ll remember
I’ve got to remember

You’re always such a spectacle
Guess it was the best you could do
Your favourite dress for the
world to see through
You spilled your drink but
you didn’t mean to
You’re always such a spectacle
You said would but you never will change
You only do it if I do the same
Love is such a dangerous game
A dangerous game

When you told me this
That wickedness is a myth
That was invented for losers
Cause baby the truth hurts
Baby the truth hurts

Well I thought you were shallow
But then I fell in deep
Why couldn’t you keep it
Our little secret
You’re my only weakness

You’re always such a spectacle
Guess it was the best you could do
Your favourite dress for the
world to see through
You spilled your drink but
you didn’t mean to
Love is such a spectacle
Just when you think it’s
going well for you
Life’s a movie that we sleep through
Every little thing that we do

You’re always such a spectacle
Nothing ever really does change
Cause if you feel it baby
know I feel the same
Love is such a dangerous game
Love is such a dangerous game
A dangerous game

i do it for the joy it brings.

Really wish I remembered to get the new Broken Social Scene Presents: Brendan Canning album before I headed up island via bus. I have a lot of thinking to do. Such a melancholy reflective joy in traveling alone. Even if your fate is annual family camping trip! No, it should be good to be in the woods.

My camera broke! Finally. Good riddance. But now I have no camera. Except the new robot one I got, looking forward to trying it out.

Also, I need a new bathing suit. I am thinking one piece.

Also, I got my nails filled and I got fluorescent pink. It is kind of gross but I just wanted to try it. I have gone insane.

THE STAR TREK EXPERIENCE IN LAS VEGAS IS CLOSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So sad.

So she built a skycraper of procrastination.

what of the mother
whose house is in flames
and both of her children
are in their beds crying
and she loves them both
with the whole of her heart
but she knows she can only
carry one at a time?
she’s choking on the smoke
of unthinkable choices
she is haunted by the voices
of so many desires
she’s bent over from the business
of begging forgiveness
while frantically running around
putting out fires

but then what kind of scale
compares the weight of two beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy?
tell me what kind of gauge
can quantify elation?
what kind of equation
could i possibly employ?

Why am I completely incapable of handling anyone with care?

Been beat up and battered round
Been sent up, and I’ve been shot down
You’re the best thing that Ive ever found
Handle me with care

Reputations changeable
Situations tolerable
Baby, you’re adorable
Handle me with care

I’m so tired of being lonely
I still have some love to give
Wont you show me that you really care

Everybody’s got somebody to lean on
Put your body next to mine, and dream on

I’ve been fobbed off, and I’ve been fooled
I’ve been robbed and ridiculed
In day care centers and night schools
Handle me with care

Been stuck in airports, terrorized
Sent to meetings, hypnotized
Overexposed, commercialized
Hand me with care

Ive been uptight and made a mess
But Ill clean it up myself, I guess
Oh, the sweet smell of success
Handle me with care

I fail, always, always, do not trust me with yourself.

In the enchanted forest of Amberland.

This is kind of how my mind works:

me: “Hmm, these colours are all so beautiful!”
magical talking kitten: “Amber, isn’t that blue beautiful? I really like blue the best. Don’t you?”
me: “Yea, you know what, it IS beautiful! I think I do! I now have an unshakable faith in blue!”
magical talking puppy: “But Amber, check out that green over there. Isn’t it fucking awesome?”
me: “WHOA I never noticed that before! Now that you mention it it might be my favourite…”
magical talking bunny: “Hey Amber, which one do YOU this is beautiful?”
me: “I don’t know, everyone makes pretty convincing stories… and I see the beauty in all!”

It is a confusing way to live.

Yes, in my mind I live in the magical realm of my favourite series of books as a kid.

My hero

Too alarming now to talk about
take your pictures down and shake it out
truth or consequence say it aloud
use that evidence race it around

There goes my hero
watch him as he goes
There goes my hero
he’s ordinary

Don’t the best of them bleed it out
While the rest of them peter out
Kudos my hero leaving all the best
You know my hero the one thats on

I kind of hate listening to the radio all day at work, when there is a lot on my mind… every song seems to be about every thing.

I don’t care what anyone says..

I will always love the song ‘Brian Wilson’ by the Barenaked Ladies.

Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a tuesday night,
Just to check out the late-night record shop.
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane,
But when I’m surrounded I just cant stop.

Its a matter of instinct, its a matter of conditioning,
Its a matter of fact.
You can call me pavlov’s dog.
Ring a bell and I’ll salivate. how’d you like that?
Dr. lendy tell me you’re not just a pedagogue,
Cause right now i’m

Lying in bed just like brian wilson did
Well I’m lying in bed just like brian wilson did.

So I’m lying here, just starting at the ceiling tiles.
And I’m thinking about what to think about.
Just listening and relistening to smiley smile,
And I’m wondering if this is some kind of create drought
Because I am

Lying in bed just like brian wilson did
Well I’m lying in bed just like brian wilson did.

And if you want to find me Ill be out in the sandbox,
Wondering where the hell all the love has gone.
Playing my guitar and building castles in the sun,
And singing fun, fun, fun.

Lying in bed just like brian wilson did
Well I’m lying in bed just like brian wilson did.

I had a dream that I was three hundred pounds
And though I was very heavy,
I floated til I couldn’t see the ground
I floated til I couldn’t see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn’t see the ground
Somebody help me, I couldn’t see the ground
Somebody help me because i’m
Lying in bed just like brian wilson did
Well I’m lying in bed just like brian wilson did.

Drove downtown in the rain nine-thirty on a tuesday night.
Just to check out the late-night record shop.
Call it impulsive, call it compulsive, call it insane;
But when Im surrounded I just cant stop.

Please tell me who I am…

I can’t believe all I have eaten is a muffin today, and that I had to choke down at 2 pm.

Something is seriously, seriously wrong here.

Everything is wrong, and everything is right, in it’s own way… I hate confusion and it seems to be all I am feeling these days.

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

Important Purchase

Check out this sweet camera I bought

Look at the pictures it takes!

And I am OBSESSED with those virility bears or whatever… I don’t even think Jacob brought me back one from Japan!

I’m Killroy! Killroy! Killroy…

My readership seems to have someone gone up one billion percent so perhaps I should post something.

An elderly man has killed himself by programming a robot to shoot him in the head after building the machine from plans downloaded from the internet.

Francis Tovey, 81, who lived alone in Burleigh Heads on the Australian Gold Coast, was found dead in his driveway.

Notes left by Mr Tovey — who was born in England — revealed that he had scoured the internet for plans before constructing his complex machine, which involved a jigsaw power tool and was connected to a .22 semi-automatic pistol loaded with four bullets. It could fire multiple shots once triggered remotely.

source

What a cool guy

Let me take you down, cause I’m going to…

“I am going to have my own show. I was perfectly happy being an IT person, but then I decided I needed to bring underprivileged chimps to a sanctuary… and give them guns. Escape to chimp battle eden.”

I wonder if they would be able to grasp it. Only one way to find out.

On another note I think I should insert another first name infront of the rest of my names: ‘Chimp.’

Rosie you hussy!

OH MAN

Juciest Street ever last night!

LOLLL

After a failed attempt at getting with the ever dreamy Liam

[GRR I HATE DOING IMAGE SEARCHES ON CHARACTERS BECAUSE I ALWAYS SPOIL STORYLINES FOR MYSELF! I just spoiled SO MUCH for myself!!!]

In any case:

Rosie = 16

Liam = dreamy

Rosie = fail

John = teacher dude

Rosie = success

And I have a feeling John might get with HER MOM too, so I have to decide here. Who is my hero. Rosie or John?

LIAM! [sorry Keith if you saw this picture...]

OMG LIAM IN REAL LIFE HAS GLASSES!

YOUNG SLUT ROSIE!

SHE HAS BEEN ON THE SHOW FOREVER!

JOHN TEACHER DUDE AND ROSIE’S FIT MOM!

and gross Carla, this one just cracked me up. But I thought it was of Rosie at first which would be so appropriate. She is hilariously bad at acting, all of her expressions look like she just got back from a collagen injection/boob job.

When I was young
It seemed that life was so wonderful
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical
And all the birds in the trees
Well they’d be singing so happily
Oh joyfully, oh playfully watching me
But then they sent me away
To teach me how to be sensible
Logical, oh responsible, practical
And they showed me a world
Where I could be so dependable
Oh clinical, oh intellectual, cynical

There are times when all the world’s asleep
The questions run too deep
For such a simple man
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am

Now watch what you say
Or they’ll be calling you a radical
A liberal, oh fanatical, criminal
Oh won’t you sign up your name
We’d like to feel you’re
Acceptable, respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable

At night when all the world’s asleep
The questions run so deep
For such a simple man
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am, who I am, who I am, who I am

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do
you?

-charles bukowski

want to go to yoga this morning for the first time in… i can’t remember how long. good thing i bought that unlimited pass! i am too good at excuses.

I heard this Voltaire quote yesterday and I can’t quite remember it, and I can’t find it, and it is driving me insane.

Damn Jeopardy.

WTF?????

I have a new boss tomorrow. And he sounds kind of like a dink. I haven’t met him. Only because the two times he came into the office for an interview he walked right by my desk and did not say hi or smile. It was weird, usually people who go into the boardroom for any kind of meeting acknowledge me because the board room is like IN my office… Really gives you a good feeling about someone. I like how they didn’t even ask me to meet him for 2 minutes. Mr. Fancy C.A. I LOVE how I made a good first impression by calling in sick on his first day. HA.

Part of me rebels against this so harshly, especially after hearing dink-reports, but part of me kind of wants to just keep my head down and have someone telling me what to do, minimal responsibility, you know? I fear he will just spend a lot of time finding the mistakes I have made over the past 6 months. Ah well, I need to get out of that place anyway. Good incentive. Perhaps some good jobs will come up in September.

Hey look… I still suck.

I am SO mad at myself for not going out tonight! Oh hey, someone offers me their friendship? Better not call them when I am supposed to. This is why I have no friends. I am still the same dumb old Amber. I have just been in this very homey phase… I guess even though I have been lonely I like loneliness in a way and I have just been enjoying that.

Excited for things to not be boring soon!

No yoga either! I am SO sore. Kill me please! In my mind, it is Keith who drags us down but I am even lazier when he is not here! I will never be bitching about him wanting to stay home again. Haha.

FINALLY listening to Emily Haines. Very good. Much better than Metric I think.

There’s a pattern in the system
There’s a bullet in the gun
That’s why I tried to save you
But it can’t be done

Also I can’t get enough of this stuff. It’s like Asian ketchup to me. I have found it is even good as soup broth haha.

And I don’t really get this. This has been happening for four days and my readership is up, but I wonder why?

Ahh the magic and mystique of the internet.

ps: Who the fuck is Charles Cromer and why is he on my website?

A real go-getter.

I love how I got a registered letter from the government demanding my tax return with 30 days. From 2006 I guess? A testament to my excellent bookkeeping skills methinks.

I went to go get my nails done at a neighbourhood kind of place [I am not going to bother to explain why I have acrylic nails but it is for a purpose.] I was just getting them filled, the young girl doing them was so nice, we had a good conversation about our families. I really liked the experience, more than the the first place I went to with hoochie tanned chicks gossiping and stuff… [okay that is not fair but it had this really annoying vibe about it.] I was planning on going back, but my nails are so fucking bumpy! She did a shitty job but she was so nice, I don’t want to go back and be a bitch. I guess you have to go to the pretentious expensive places to get a good result. :(

Why am I using proper capitalization?